Change or Transformation?

Change… It's impossible to avoid. Every moment, even moments within the moments, contain a million little changes. I wonder if sometimes, because we are so overwhelmed by all of the change, and the helpless feeling we get as a result of the impossible pace, the relentless nature of change, and our desire to control them, we also begin to feel hopeless. It seems to me that these hopeless feelings come because either;

1. We were happy with how things were, and wanted it to stay that way; or 

2. We were unhappy and wanted it to change in a way that would make us feel happy, but the happiness we thought the change would create never quite manifests in the way we thought it would… so we chase just one more change, then another, and another… 

As we bounce between an endless combination of these scenarios, we become overwhelmed and forget that, within the endless parade of changes, are also an endless array of opportunities to grow.

I have noticed that growth opportunities show up when we stop labeling ‘change’ as good or bad.  Instead, we accept that a change of some sort is going to happen no matter what; it already happened. You have changed since you started reading this post. You are no longer the same person you were two minutes ago. If you want things to remain static, you lost that battle before your parents were able to consider having kids. Besides, would you really want to be frozen in time forever? At the same time, reading the future, predicting an outcome with perfect certainty along with all of its consequences is similarly out of reach, so counting on ‘change’ by itself to be a savior might be a little shortsighted as well. Moreover, if you think either scenario was going to make you feel ‘happy’ by virtue of the change (or lack of change) itself, you may find yourself fairly disappointed in the end. This is where ‘transformation’ comes into play. 

Change is inevitable, but transformation is the magic that turns it into something meaningful. In my experience, transformation occurs when we accept the reality of change and do something with it. Instead of looking at change as the culprit that steals our joy, or the savior that liberates us, we look inwards, to our supports, and to the place we eventually hope to land. I do not want to risk being callous or trite by presenting the idea that we can, through will alone, turn difficult or even painful situations into something else. Some situations, like experiencing the loss of a close friend, family member, or partner, are painful and filled with struggle. 

I do want to suggest that they can become something more. However, getting from the space of mere acceptance that change can happen to a place of transformation requires effort. I had mentioned, looking inwards and to our supports, this is what I mean by that:  

• Exploring our core values, pausing to understand where there are opportunities for fulfillment, and identifying a path forward that honors those things. This establishes a situation where the subject of the change is refocused to it becomes less relevant to the long-term outcome than who each of us wants to be, what our values are, and how we will choose to further those ideas regardless of the change itself. This is looking inwards instead of looking for something external to ourselves for motivation and direction.

• Looking to our supports may seem straightforward; for folk with fewer tangible resources or smaller social circles may even seem frightening. I am intentional in using the word ‘supports’ instead of ‘social network’, ‘’financial resources’, or anything so finite and reliant on things that are subject to the reality of change. Looking to supports means accessing the full constellation of internal and external resources at your disposal when you feel lost or are struggling to find answers to life's challenges. This may be an inspirational song or poem, the memory of a friend who is no longer nearby or even alive, or a teaching that has meaning for you. This can be as simple as thinking, “What would my friend say?”, “What comes up if I listen to this song that I can learn from?”, “How does this teaching apply?” and then watching your own thoughts for new ideas. The same is true for objects that create inspiration, or a guidepost that is tangible or metaphorical. Even in the hardest of moments, we have these available to us; we just forget to look. Of course, this can also mean looking to our family, friends, colleagues, or if we are lucky enough to have them, accessing our financial resources.

Instead of letting the change or situation dictate our path for us, we make a conscious choice that empowers us to take control of our internal narrative. Once we have taken this step, we are also able to choose a path forward based on the things that bring us contentment and joy. This, in my experience, is what makes change truly transformative. We are transformed through the realization that we control our own narrative, path, and internal experience.  Simultaneously, we recognize the path we choose in that moment may change based on what happens next and how things shift along the way, but we remain grounded in an understanding of who we are and what we value. This allows us to both move with the change that will inevitably come while moving with it in a way that transforms it into a beautiful dance that leads to an outcome that has meaning. Then every change serves the bigger goal, and if it doesn’t, then we have the tools to adjust. 

Even if turning ‘change’ into ‘transformation’ requires effort, it is, in my opinion, joyful effort. It is an effort that lifts you up and leaves you feeling empowered to experience life on your terms, no matter what cards life deals. I challenge you to take stock of your values, goals, hopes, and dreams. Then find a change that's happening for you; it won’t take long to find one, and try looking at it through this lens instead. I would love to hear what comes up for you in this exercise, so leave a comment or email me at trevor@infinitesunrisecoaching.com with how it worked for you!